Any and all suggestions welcome as I begin training my new submissive female I met online.

MyKnightFantasies

 

I don't know why I always seems surprised when I hear about people actually doing BDSM seriously. I will have to try it one day

 

Not trying to be a total dick here, but if you have to ask that question then perhaps she isn't the one that needs training.

 

Don't knock it til you try it.

Control or lack thereof can be an incredibly sexy thing. But it really takes the right person and the right chemistry.

 

We all have to start somewhere don't we? I am an alpha male with strong desires to control.

You are right in my needing training; any positive suggestions?

 

Well keep in mind that this is just my opinion based on my experience. Everyone will have their own.

Any physical acts you have her perform are merely tools. Tools to reinforce in her mind that you are in control. For me, Dom/sub is almost completely mental.

It is not what you do, it is how you do it.
It is not what you have her do, it is how you tell her to do it.
Physically, verbally and mentally you must always demonstrate control. Not just of her, but more importantly of yourself.

And if you are smart enough to earn that trust from her, don't abuse it. Then you are just an asshole.

 

Good advice beninabox; our first two adventures were very similar to what you have described.

 

And above all else, make sure you are both having fun.

Like anything else in life don't take this or yourself too seriously.

 

*not_secure_link*www.peter-masters.com/hypno/index.php/Main_Page

If you condition her mind, she will have no choice but to fulfill your fantasies.

 

This is extremely important! My advice is be careful of following some sort of this is what needs to be done and how that has to be done. Less focus on the toys and kinky things and more focus on the two of you. Why are you wanting this? What does it for you? Focusing on the two of you and getting to the motivations over people dress up this way so we should do that.

Very good advice here.

Some other basic advice:

1) Start slowly with every new thing you do and do not expect some magical time the first time.
2) The answer to most things is the same answer if you were in a regular relationship.
3) If she is submissive she will want you to lead and get pleasure in the things you are doing and asking her to do. Ask questions to get to know her and her reaction to things. But do not become addicted to or over rely on asking questions over time. As beninabox wrote, it is how you do it can be key and the pleasure for a submissive of having no control. Being asked every minute or with every order if it is ok or if they like it will utterly destroy any chance of a good time by her.

 

As has been said, start simple. Don't expect to jump in at the deep end with heavy bondage and bull whips .

It is very much a mental thing as the previous posters have stated. It is not however, just about doing things "for you", but also, only doing things with your permission.

A well trained submissive won't twitch a muscle unless their master/mistress tells them too.

All of these things take time and a bond of trust.

I find that starting things with sex is the easiest way. If you are already having sex ofcourse...

A little bit of orgasm denial can be fun, it makes the orgasm more intense in the end and it starts the building of that "Only if I say so" thing.

Spanking is a great way to get started on the pain threshold, if done right it can be quite arousing for men or women. Go a little harder and a little longer each time.

Starting with the old scarf to the headboard of the bed is a good way to get into bondgage, one over the eyes for sensory deprivation.

The key is starting simple, even if the person has experience. Just so you get to know their limits (and if you're inexperienced, more importantly, your own limits).

A little tired here... but I'll try and come up with more for you later

 

lol lots of people are into seriously and live there lives like that 24/7!

but as daddy aslways says hell never hit me outta anger u have to earn ur subs trust and like others have stated u have to control urself as well as her and if u let emotions like anger rule u then ur not a very good dom......so think about it are u in this just to hurt women and be mean or to control a girl and be her everything?

 

lol.....yeppers scary thought! does she have any insight already? is it all online or contact as well.....u may wanna search out ur local bdsm groups and ask and learn face to face hands on.......

 

Umm, question... How is one supposed to properly be a dom, without practice and guidance? One can naturally be "Dominant", but knowing the best way to get the desired results does not often come naturally. I mean, I don't know all the bondage knots, or how to apply strikes with a switch...

 

This rant has nothing to do with beninabox comments.

There is a lot of Dom ego disease out there that I would equate to the phrase seeing who has the bigger cock ego competition. It becomes a competition between men and an ego thing that they go to comic and delusional ways to show they are the best dominant all others are dangerous by trying to take specific things and making the contest about tangible things.

You will here things like must first be the submissive, must try a toy out first on yourself, it takes years and years of experience to become competent with no mention how to get those years without doing things and on and on. Many dominants like to assume others are idiots and always worse case type people. Like if someone said they want to mountain climb and a mountain climber hears I want to climb Mount Everest tomorrow. As a woman submissive it is kind of comical because many of these men have no clue with all their years of experience what a woman submissive is attracted to or motivated by.

The reality it always comes down to the two people together and one can learn pretty much anything numerous ways but in the end doing them has to happen.

You can learn by joining and participating in a local community. you can read books, you can hang out on sites that cater to learning and discussing these things or learning with a partner who has a lot more expereince. Probably other ways as well.

 

Thanks to everyone for your thoughts and ideas! I should have given you some background information first which may have made my question more relevant.

The lovely lady I am seeing is the one who suggested she would like to be a sub/slave. Of course this left in a postion I have never encountered before.

We did spend several hours talking before having sex, the first time, as I wanted to see what her expectations were and if I was comfortable with them. She is not into pain, slight bondage is okay and she is mainly looking for someone to control her.

Our first time I had her delay her orgasm for over an hour and I have never had a woman that wet!

Second time I introduced toys and anal and again she went through the roof.

We are meeting again this weekend and although I am getting more comfortable in being the dom I thought I would throw this out to the forum.

Thanks for all your great advice and on closing I want everyone to know that one thing I will never do is cause physical or mental harm to a woman. I love women to much.